Friday, June 26, 2009

The One You Don't Want To Read If You Don't Want To Know Bosco's Sex!

Good evening and welcome to another exciting post of “It’s the Great Fobian Baby Blog, Charlie Brown!”. We’ve given our studio announcer, Mr. Jack Barry, the week off and out of respect to the late, great Ed McMahon, opted for a soft opening tonight instead. So, no guitar chords, no cymbal crashes, no faded rainbow-hued curtains, and of course, no mock-practice golf swings. It’s just me your host and future Dad-to-be, Rob with my amazing wife, Jasmine and of course, the legend we call Bosco, coming to you very much live, high in the air, from the set of the “51st State Studios”. As always, we’ve got a great post for you tonight…TV’s greatest private investigator (NEVER P.I., except in the opening credits!) Tom Selleck is here, we’ll have a review of this week’s OB visit, a Father’s Day wrap-up, in case you missed it in tonight’s title we have the announcement of Bosco’s sex and much, much more. A very special welcome to our three newest followers: “Brian”, “jack.blevins” and “Tony”. Unfortunately, if you’re expecting any swag, we blew it all out last week, but once again, welcome! As always, thank you to ALL of our followers and anonymous readers for letting us come into your computers each week. Don’t go away…we’ll be right back!

Tonight’s post is brought to you by: Westinghouse, The Home Depot, Ultrasound Associates, Physicians for Women, Children’s Medical Associates, Geritol,, Eastman-Kodak, National Geographic, Nabisco Oreo Cookies, Alfa Romeo Automobiles, International Auto Parts in Charlottesville, VA, Rita’s Water Ice and Custard, Silver Diner Restaurants, Castrol Motor Oil, Graco Pack ‘n Play, Babee-Tenda Cribs, Sports Illustrated, Bubba Burgers, Disney’s “Tarzan”, Budweiser Select and finally, Boog Powell’s BBQ Restaurant at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Disclaimer: And by “brought to you by” we mean that we did not receive ANY compensation for mentioning these products and or companies. This is merely a feeble comedic attempt to whet your reading appetite for what is to come.

We begin with a moment of silence tonight for the aforementioned Mr. Ed McMahon as well as actress Farrah Fawcett, entertainer Michael Jackson, Mr. John Houghtaling, and those killed in the Metro derailment on June 22nd in Washington, DC.


You already know the story of Ed McMahon, however I wanted to be sure and acknowledge his service during World War II as a fighter pilot with the United States Marine Corps. He was also a test pilot and flight instructor. In 1952, he was sent to Korea to fly OE-1 Bird Dogs (as seen in the film “Bat-21”) on air tactical control and artillery spotting missions. After the war, he remained in the Marine Reserves and retired with the rank of Colonel in 1966 and later commissioned as a Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard.

Although she was not permitted to grace my bedroom wall, Farrah Fawcett did so in over one-million others, if the sales figures are correct. The last few months of her life were very inspirational and showed a side of a public figure that we seldom see. She appeared weak, and yet was never stronger. And she was married to my childhood hero, the Six-Million-Dollar-Man…

You also know the story of Michael Jackson…let’s not forget following the illness and death of Ryan White, Jackson spoke out publicly to raise awareness of AIDS and HIV at a time when it was very controversial to do so. He did impactful charity work with his unlikely best friend, Hollywood legend, Elizabeth Taylor and even asked the Clinton Administration during their Inaugural Gala for increased financial support for AIDS and HIV charities and research. That moonwalk thing was pretty sick, too…I still can’t do it.

You don’t know the story of John Houghtaling, but I’m sure many of you “felt” the impact of his inventions on multiple occasions. In 1958, Mr. Houghtaling invented a machine that would change the hospitality business forever. From the time he invented it, until the mid-70’s you could drop $0.25 in a bedside box and as Mr. Houghtaling himself coined (lol!), “It quickly takes you into the land of tingling, relaxation and ease.” To be accurate, Mr. Houghtaling didn’t invent the vibrating bed, merely perfected it by personally testing out 300 motors in his bed at home so that the motor didn’t shake the whole bed, but merely created a gentle, vibrating sensation through the bed frame and springs. Those of you in the loss-prevention industry might be interested to know that malfeasance killed the vibrating bed as coins were often pilfered from the bedside boxes before they could be collected by the proprietors. In 1976, this lead Mr. Houghtaling to patent a device that would read a magnetic strip on a card negating the need for coins. The strip reader was ahead of its time, and his son said in his obituary this week that he never made any money from it. As with Ed McMahon, I would be re-miss if I didn’t also mention Mr. Houghtaling’s military service. Perhaps his most remarkable achievement in life was having flown 20 missions as a gunner in a B-17 bomber during World War II. Yet another of our “Greatest Generation” who gave so much and shall give no more…

Bosco had another exciting week! This is now week 20, so we are at the halfway mark. Jasmine and I just can’t believe how time is flying by. In some ways, it still seems like yesterday when we were filled with anxiety at our IUI visit to the Muasher Clinic. And yet in other ways, given how much we’ve done and has happened to and for us, week 1 seems so long ago, too! We began week 20 with a visit to the inimitable offices of Physicians for Women and the world-class Bosco care of Dr. Salgado. After a short drive and a short elevator ride we were once again checking in at the doctor’s office when I noticed…THE SIGN. Upon reading it, my first thought was, “I hope Jasmine doesn’t see THE SIGN!”…which of course, she did. THE SIGN said, “If you park in the shopping center next door, you will be towed!”

Quickly, Jasmine turned to me and suggested we move D’Artagnan since he was left in the aforementioned tow-away zone. It was a few moments before our appointment, so I had to quickly formulate how to avoid going down to move D’Artagnan while also convincing Jasmine that he wouldn’t be towed. “Yeah…I’ll just buy a slurpee or something from one of the stores in the shopping center when we go back down…we’re good.” Then THE VOICE came from behind the receptionist’s desk.

"If you park in the shopping center next door, you will be towed”, the receptionist politely said, as if I HADN’T read the sign.

"Really? I can’t just buy a slurpee or something on the way down?”, I said amusing myself and not the receptionist, and most definitely not Jasmine.

"If you park in the shopping center next door, you will be towed.” she repeated, as if I didn’t understand English…

I was thoroughly entertained, but Jasmine stated firmly, “Rob, dude-buddy, can you please be a husband and move the car?”

"Sure..see you in a bit.” And I made for the elevator. Fortunately, the shopping center is literally right next door to the doctor’s office, but I couldn’t use the driveway 20 feet from where we parked because it was being blocked by a delivery truck, so I had to go out onto Seminary Road, work the square of lights around the I-395 interchange and come in the backside of the doctor’s office. I quickly found a spot in the garage and made my way to the lobby. When I got to the lobby, I noticed lots of people waiting for the elevator and the up button was being repeatedly pressed, but not lighting. I wasn’t sure if this meant the light was simply not lighting or if the button was broken so, the elevator wouldn’t know to stop there. I mean, we had just ridden it up 15 minutes ago; it couldn’t have JUST broken, could it? Not wanting to wait around and find out and possibly miss Bosco’s appointment, I ran for the stairs taking them two at a time like Barry Allen and then like Clinton Portis, I stared at my thighs in horror as I watched my breakaway speed leach from my body in real time, at about the second landing.

Did I mention the doctor’s office is on the…ELEVENTH FLOOR!?!?!? And there were TWO flights of stairs per floor?!?!?

I muscled on and arrived at the 11th floor in mere “hours” before brutally crashing into the door and learning that for “security reasons” the 11th floor door is to remain locked at ALL times. If anyone who works in the building security industry can explain why a stairwell door would be locked from the inside when the building itself is open, I’m all ears. Retreating back to the 10th floor, I waited a few moments for the elevator and quickly arrived at the 11th floor.
You know that sound that old cars make in the winter when they are warming up and if you touch the accelerator pedal the least little bit they sound like they are going to explode? Yeah, I didn’t sound quite as good as that. I think the receptionist thought I was the one having the baby. Apparently, there’s this thing called “cardio-vascular exercise” that has just started sweeping the nation. I gotta’ get on that train! After Jasmine wiped the concern off her face, we went in to see Dr. Salgado.

And we are pleased to report that Bosco got good marks, yet again! The baby’s pulse was a strong 148 bpm and has a nice John Bonham kick-bass thump to it and is no longer a swish-swish. We set our next appointment for the end of July, but not before Dr. Salgado gave us a written order for a 20 week ultrasound sonogram, just on the other side of the I-395 interchange at The Monticello apartment building office suites.

So, on Wednesday of this week we visited Ultrasound Associates and after a 45 minute delay, we were seen by a very talented sonographist who was equal parts Keith Emerson and German Kriegsmarine U-Boot sonar specialist. She took all of the images that you see here. And there can be NO QUESTION Bosco is our child. In order to get pictures of all of Bosco’s systems, the sonographist needed lots of different angels. Things were going very smoothly until it was time to see Bosco’s heart. This is a tricky angle because the sensor has to “shoot through” the side of the baby in order to see all four chambers of the heart. Bosco it seems had turned, (Jasmine believes in indignation after the privates were photographed…) uncooperatively placing the spine between the heart and the sensor and the sonographist wasn’t satisfied with the shot she was getting. So, she asked us if we wanted to wait for a few moments in the lobby or come back another time. We elected to wait and after a few minutes, we “took the submarine down and raised the periscope” and looked again. This time, she got what she felt were good views of Bosco’s heart. We also listened to Bosco’s heart again as we had done earlier in the week and it was running at an equally strong 146 bpm.

Science is an incredible thing for those of you who might be new around here. The quality of the images is simply stunning; unfortunately the scanned prints here really don’t do the video images justice. We saw Disney’s “Tarzan” again over the weekend, which contained the song lyric, “For one so small, you seem so strong.” (which we also coincidentally heard while in the waiting room at Ultrasound Associates!) And this expresses my thoughts perfectly. It was life-changing to see Bosco in Jasmine’s womb being very active and moving around right before my eyes! In summary, I think it’s eugenics at its finest what with Jasmine’s immense brain and my immense skull, the two I think will make for very good companions in Bosco. We hope you enjoy viewing these pictures as much as we had seeing them taken.

Bumper sticker seen on a rusty, pick-up seen on the way home: “If you can’t feed them, don’t breed them!” Should I mention the truck had West Virginia license plates?

Although we didn’t have as much control in the timing of Bosco’s conception as other families have with their children, I was pleased that we conceived Bosco while Jasmine and I could each celebrate a Mother’s Day and Father’s Day respectively with Bosco in-utero. It’s been hard seeing 9 of these holidays go by since we’ve been married. While we’re fortunate that we can celebrate our own fathers’ and mothers’ holidays, we began to wonder if we’d ever celebrate our own parenthood.

I’m very big on “firsts”. Needless to say, this Father’s Day was an exceptionally good Father’s Day. In part because it was the first and in part because I have someone like Jasmine to help me celebrate and make it a special day. As has become the custom in our family whenever someone has a day to celebrate, the day started with presents in bed. I received a very nice Italian-designed, navy-blue polo (my favorite color), a onesie for Bosco which is white with red pinstripes that reads “Daddy’s Team” and finally an early-reader Golden Book which shows and tells about lots of different fathers and the fun things they do with their kids. I have taken to reading to Bosco nightly and I’m sure this will become one of our regular favorites. Next, it was off to breakfast at another favorite, our local Silver Diner in Springfield. I had old school pancakes, salsiccia, scrambled eggs and an iced tea. After returning home, I called my brother and we shared mutual Father’s Day greetings. I then set about moving Jasmine’s dresser, which was my Grandmother’s, as well as finally hanging the accompanying mirror. All of this is to make room for a Graco Pack ‘n Play which will serve as a place for Bosco to sleep in the first few weeks. (Bosco’s Babee-Tenda crib is too large to move in and out of the nursery.) Jasmine also spoke with her parents. We gave Papa Fran an autographed Boog Powell baseball bat and he was calling to say it was a great surprise and that he hoped in the dark of night it would not get mistaken for a tool to assist with the homeland defense. I later spoke with my in-laws directly and they again re-iterated what a treasure they had received.

Additionally, I also honored the tradition of Father’s Day with a phone call to my own father. For his gift, I made him a lamp out of a Castrol oil container. This is not just any Castrol oil container, mind you. For those of you familiar with, “The Great Fobian Father and Son Alfa-Romeo Adventure of 2007” you might recall we had to top off the car’s oil upon learning the owner could not be bothered to secure the oil cap. This Castrol oil container’s contents likely made, or kept, the trip a reality. The lamp is also festooned with an after-market Alfa-Romeo hood badge as well as a plaque reading, “If it’s not giving you trouble, it’s not an Alfa!”

For those of you NOT familiar with “The Great Fobian Father and Son Alfa-Romeo Adventure of 2007”, I hope you’ll be able to read the novelization soon wherever you buy books and who knows? Maybe even see the story played out on the big screen wherever you see movies. In the meantime, just ask me or my father at the next cocktail party you see us at for the original and genuine story.

In tribute to the notorious unreliability of Alfa-Romeos and the heat and humidity of an August sun in the Old Dominion State, the lamp arrived to my father needing…sigh…more work. The oil container which forms the stem of the lamp had become unglued from the base in shipping so, he is looking at ways to refasten the two pieces together. Polyethylene, which is what the container is made of, is VERY hard to adhere to anything. He has assured me, if he can’t glue it with another adhesive, he’ll install two L-Brackets on the back side of the lamp instead. Needless to say, we here at the “51st State Studios” are anxiously awaiting word and are expecting a “State of the Lamp Address” forthwith. If it is not posted directly on the blog, we’ll pass it along second-hand.

Later in the afternoon of that first Father’s Day Sunday, my Mom called and I was able to invite her to custard. What’s custard, you ask? It is to ice cream as Jaguars are to Alfa-Romeos. Rita’s Water Ice and Custard out of Trevose, Pennsylvania has expanded into the Washington, DC market and there is now a stand at the Landmark Plaza at I-395 and Duke Street/Little River Turnpike. I am also hearing from the “Dairy Godmother Mafia” that THEIR custard is the prize of our area. Now, I’m not saying that we’re approaching the “Kopp’s-Gilles Wars of Milwaukee” but competition is always a good thing. And as I’m sure my father would say, “Well, it all depends on what part of town you’re from…” as to where the best custard is and as I’m sure my Grandfather would say, “There is no custard war in Milwaukee. Gilles is the best, my boy…” I’ll save judgment until we can actually get down to The Dairy Godmother. Heck, maybe we’ll let Bosco make the final decision…

Father’s Day finally drew to a close with some of my favorite things. Fresh, cold beer, fresh, grilled Bubba Burgers and fresh, fast NASCAR road racing from Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, California. Let’s give it up for 5:00PM EST green flags! Congrats to Casey Kahne for his first career NASCAR road racing win. Don’t miss the “Loud Pedal Circus” this week as they’re headed to the New Hampshire International Speedway, or simply “Loudoun”. New Hampshire’s motto is, “Live Free or Die!” and I have it on the best authority from my New England network that they take that motto VERY seriously there.

Ok, it’s time for “The Rundown” which will be a review and comment on current events and sports not previously covered. The hate mail errrrr…I mean, “constructive criticism mail” came regarding last week’s post so, I’m going to try and keep “The Rundown” separate from the Bosco news. As you can see, THIS week I did a SUPERB job of that….And to a certain member of the Nevada State Bar Association, I was reminded by my Aunt this week in an unrelated reference that upon writing one of his compositions, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was called to the court in Vienna and told his masterpiece had “too many notes”. To which, Mozart replied that the composition would stand as it contained not one note too many, nor one too few.
And now, this week’s Rundown…My condolences to Brian Collins late of KXXV television in Waco, TX whose contract was not renewed this week. Brian’s first telecast when he was but a 19 year old college freshman filling in became an overnight Internet sensation and was later dubbed in academic communications circles as “The Collins Incident”. In case you missed it, here’s the link:

It's very important that you should know that it was also the teleprompter operator’s first night on the job AND Brian’s notes were NOT in the proper order, which explains his performance. I read an article recently where he said he is still proud of the fact that while it was a disaster, he did not give up and saw it through. And really? Is there a better catch phrase than, “BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!”? I know I’ll be using it on Bosco’s diaper changes!

Congratulations to my childhood hero, Steve Yzerman for his induction into the Hockey Hall of Fame this week. He won three Stanley Cups as a player with the Detroit Red Wings, was the youngest ever participant in an NHL All-Star Game as a rookie at age 18, was the youngest NHL captain ever in 1986 at age 21 and served as captain for 20 seasons (the longest captaincy streak by any player when he retired in 2006), he is the sixth leading scorer in NHL history and finally, my two favorite Yzerman stats: he played his whole career with one team AND he wore #19 in honor of Paul Henderson.

Begrudging congratulations also to Brett Hull for his induction into the Hockey Hall of Fame this week. “The Golden Brett” joins his father, “The Golden Jet” Bobby Hull as the first father and son to make it into the Hockey Hall of Fame. I say begrudgingly because (say it with me Western New York), “It was STILL no goal, Brett!”

We’ll miss former Red Wing and Soviet sensation, Sergei Federov playing for the Washington Capitals again next season. After two years in Washington, the Capitals announced he is off to his native Russia to play in the Elite League and close out what is also a Hall of Fame career.

Props to Red Wings defenseman and hockey legend, Chris Chelios who wants to play another season, but it likely won’t be in Detroit. Chris’ birthday? January 25th…1962!

From the “Legal File” from our home offices in Henderson, Nevada…So, rapper Chris Brown gets probation for beating up his girlfriend, singer Rihanna? Mike Vick gets 23 months for his crimes? But Lee Crider gets 3 years for stealing Sheryl Crow’s, roided-up ex-boyfriend’s bicycle valued at $10,000?

Condolences to people who have enjoyed Kodachrome slide film for 74 years. Kodak announced this week that they are discontinuing Kodachrome and expect supplies to last until early fall. What? They didn’t consult with my father who is no doubt single handedly liquidating the remaining film stocks personally? Dwayne’s Photo in Parsons, KS is the only photo finishing shop in the land that can still process Kodachrome and has said they will continue to do so through 2010. No word yet from Paul Simon if a new song on the death of the iconic slide film is in the works. Kodak has also announced they will host an online gallery of the best user submitted Kodachrome pics, here’s your link:

Does anyone find it odd that Kodak claims consumer preference for digital photography killed Kodachrome and yet, they are “hosting” an “online gallery” of Kodachrome pics? It’s just not the same without Dad cursing over the slide projector from the back of the darkened dining room…sorry, Dad.

The most famous Kodachrome images are of Ms. Sharbat Gula, an Afghan girl first photographed in 1986 by Steve McCurry with National Geographic and then again in 2002. You know the photos, now you get to know, as Paul Harvey might say, “…the REST of the story…”. Here’s your link:

I read in Sports Illustrated recently where epic (thanks, Jim Rome!) New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady wants to play another 10 years and maybe beyond his 41st birthday. Too bad this would make him the second oldest active player behind Brett Favre. Seriously, Brett…Geritol called…they want their PILLS back!

Nice to see epic (thanks, again Jim Rome!) shortstop, Ozzie Smith still getting it done…we saw him shagging grounders in an in-studio segment where he was teaching right hand throwing viewers to take groundballs from their left instep. Who knew? I mean besides Hall of Fame, Gold Glove shortstops? By taking it at your left instep your hips are already turned TOWARD the direction of your throw AND you get the blocking benefit of your foot should the ball get through your glove. Are you listening Buckner?!?!?!?! Sorry, Tony P….By the way, Ozzie Smith’s birthday? December 26th…1954!

Before we go, here’s a special message from actor Tom Selleck on the importance of fathers involving themselves in their daughters lives with special thanks to Clan Rosewall for the link:

And finally, a sign that the apocalypse is upon us…Strawberry Oreos? Seriously?!?!? Oreos are cookies that are comprised of two chocolate cookies with vanilla cream in the middle. THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE LIST! Senator Strawberry? I served with Oreo. I know Oreo. Oreo is a friend of mine. Senator Strawberry, you’re no Oreo! Of course, Strawberry would probably respond, “That was really uncalled for, Rob.” To which I would have to fire back, “You’re the one making the comparison, Senator Strawberry!”

Well, boys and girls, we’ve reached the end of tonight’s post. I mean, assuming you “drank from the firehose” and got this far, of course! (Thanks, Tony P!) From all of us here at the “51st State Studios”, good night and remember…Please keep safe and eat your green vegetables! As a programming note, the studio will unfortunately be “dark” next week so that we may crimp additional tinfoil onto our hats. Thanks for stopping by; we’re glad you’re here. If you enjoyed yourself, tell all your friends and send them OUR link. If you didn’t enjoy yourself, tell Jasmine. We…are…OUT OF HERE!

(Jasmine from the other room…) Did you remember to tell them it’s a boy?


  1. For those of you who need orienting to the less obvious sonogram photos (like we did):
    1) Profile of full body sucking thumb
    2) Profile of head
    3) Close up of face (it helps if you tilt your head to the left)
    4) 2nd close up of face


  2. Congrats to you both! Boys are the best!! :)

    The thumb sucking picture is really cute.

  3. Nicely done Rob...speaking of firehoses...interior high rise stairwell doors are designed to self close to preclude disemination of smoke in a fire. Locking prevents ax murderers, shooters and thieves from moving floor to floor unobstructed. This ultimately protects expectant mother from unnecessary anxiety and enables expectant fathers to acheive their cardio-vascular excercise. Love to all Fdad

  4. Hi cuz! Congratulations to you both! Will be great to follow along and have an outlet for lively distraction as well!

    P.S. From what I can tell from the utube sonogram video, Bosco will get along with all his (John) Johnson cousins juuuusssst fine :)